If Couples get Married, what are the Top Ten Ingredients for a Successful Marriage? See below.
Personally, I love being married, and I don’t believe that loving someone and wanting to be with that person in a legally committed relationship is out of date at all. Being fully committed to someone special and to no one else requires absolute dedication and loyalty – unless you come to learn that your commitment was misplaced due to the actions of your mate. Depending on the severity of that action, would, for me, determine my course of action.
If you have ever known anyone who lives with another in a committed relationship and isn’t married, they may express equally intense love and loyalty for each other. Some people simply do not feel the need to be legally married. In the U.S. a marriage is normally held as a religious service in a church, or synagogue and is largely our society’s attempt to legitimize a sexual relationship so that two people can engage in a private relationship and not commit what society has decided is a “sin”. Many of our statutes were drafted by politicians who were either religious themselves or influenced by religion, serving in office and expressing their ideas, opinions and beliefs, or the beliefs of those of their constituents that voted them into office. They allowed those beliefs to creep into many of the laws we have today. Because the legal definitions of marriage are largely based on religious concepts, it is to me, surprising that courts have been so slow to break down their impact.
It is true that most of the legal benefits of marriage can be contractually created – such as each person’s rights upon the splitting of assets, but there is something unique about the feeling of being married. Being a domestic partnership just doesn’t cut it. If you don’t believe it look at the tens of thousands of couples who have fought and are still fighting for the right to marry. Marriage is a state of mind. I am for it. I don’t think it has run its course and I doubt it ever will, not as long as there is one couple left that feels the thrill and excitement of getting married.
There are certainly people who should not be married at least to each other, and there are people who shouldn’t marry at all. As for my personal suggestions for those that have taken that important step, and are curious as to my top ten ideas for maintaining a successful marriage, here they are:
Staying in Love – not just strong feelings – but a mature understanding what it means to love another is integral. There will be many times when you may become frustrated or angry with your partner, or that things will not go the way you wished. The easy step might be to give up and walk away. That is the weak way to approach any relationship. If you were starting a business would you quit because it becomes difficult? Are you a quitter?
Successful people – in any endeavor- are the ones that work the problem. They address issues head on and figure out what they believe is the way to best handle the situation. They don’t quit, they work! They sometimes make big mistakes, but they take them in stride and move forward. Learning what does not work is just as important as learning what does. Relationships are a lot of work. Love is work. Love means continuous compromise; it means putting the other person first; it means not trying to get in the last word; it means apologizing even if you don’t feel you are in the wrong. Love means having compassion for the feelings of your mate, knowing what is important to them and trying to help every time you can, and even when you cannot. Here are some ways you can help that along.
Communicate. This doesn’t mean just talk. It means to make sure that the other person understands what you mean with the same understanding of your message that you are trying to convey. Many misunderstandings of the meaning of the same words lead to unnecessary hurt and frustration. You intended the message to say something. Did your partner interpret it differently?
Express your Feelings. It doesn’t help to make your partner guess what you are thinking or feeling. You need to tell them what you are feeling and why – the more thorough the better. Heart to heart conversations work. They build trust. They display honesty and emotions. They make you strong.
Honestly and Openness are Imperatives. If you fail to be honest, you create suspicion even if none is deserved. If you are afraid of hurting your mate’s feelings, there are ways of tactfully telling them what you feel you must to lessen the impact. If they have spinach stuck in their tooth they will want to know it. If the shoes don’t match the dress they need to know. If you don’t know, ask them the question.
Loyalty means what it says. Stand behind your partner and give them your support. That doesn’t mean in a private conversation you can’t question them about their decision, but don’t question it in front of others. Be there for them. Loyalty is also part of commitment.
Commitment. You made the choice to be with your partner. That means you stay committed. You don’t stray. It’s very easy to cheat on a person. It happens every day. But you made a commitment. You took vows. Are you a person of your word? Are you honorable? Or does your word mean nothing? If your word means nothing, then thank you for reading this piece but please never return to this site again.
Trust is wonderful. There is nothing like the feeling of security you feel when you know you can completely trust another. Trust is vital in relationships. It is so easy to lose and almost impossible to regain. Value it. Never abuse it.
Integrity and Ethics are required every day of your life. You know the right thing to do, so do it. Live the life that is an example for others. Be the person you want them to believe you are – its great practice for being a parent someday.
These are some of the items I feel most important. I am not a marriage counselor, but I would encourage you to visit with one should you detect problems in your marriage. I believe in counseling. I’ve participated in it to a successful conclusion.
What are your thoughts about marriage?
or check out our most recent articles: